THE SQUIRREL

In a startling and controversial new study published this month, it was posited that it may be possible men do not necessarily enjoy being raped, despite the sexual nature of the act and their well-established carnal nature. The study was based on data collected from “...

In this day and age, gay is in fashion. Being gay is the new black (although the phrase “____ is the new black” doesn’t really make a lot of sense, now does it? Who wants to be black?). Gays are everywhere! And oh-so-talented and multicultural! Why not have your gay be...

We live in an age where sexuality, the traditional domain of dominant, god-fearing men, has been occupied by the likes of the “feminazi,” those “liberal elites” claiming to care about “human decency.” We’ve entered a hypersensitive state, in which the American populati...

            Local Kmarts around the nation have been closing down with enormous blow-out sales for the last seven years. One local liquidator said, “We have lowered the price of baby strollers by 25% to get that pesky $49.99 down just a smidge. I just love how excited...

Yesterday Instagram released of a variety of boyfriend filters for teenage girls and “hip” moms to obsess over.

No longer do you have to hold hands with your cousin or give candy to strangers-- Instagram has the perfect man for you. Filter options include Hot Nerd with...

The Disney Corporation, under fire for its most recent Star Wars cash in, has released an official statement that they will be taking the life-sized Tickle-Me Vader doll off of toy store shelves immediately, after several cases of child strangulation and adult autoerot...

At Wharton High School in Millsborough, IN, 14 year old Alex Dunn announced today via text message to his best friend of nine weeks Dave Anderson that, "My life is like the mess in Syria. It's so complicated."

Dunn went on to proclaim that the struggles between him and...

In an exclusive interview with The Squirrel, Susquehanna University sophomore Maggie O’Donnell reported that she’s spent the last several hours mentally and physically preparing for “like, the longest nap ever,” which she plans on completing tomorrow afternoon....

Your professor told you exactly when your final exam is due. You were handed a syllabus outlining exactly what was expected of you. You didn’t read this information. The business-like format and bolded headings only serve to convince the reader that there is vital inf...

Corn

Whether it’s on or off the cob, on the table or used for decoration, corn is an integral part of our Thanksgiving celebrations. The importance of corn can be traced all the way back to 1600s when it is told that settlers joined the Pequot Tribe for their annual Gre...