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Tickle-Me Vader Toys Recalled for Choking Hazard


The Disney Corporation, under fire for its most recent Star Wars cash in, has released an official statement that they will be taking the life-sized Tickle-Me Vader doll off of toy store shelves immediately, after several cases of child strangulation and adult autoerotic asphyxiation.

Standing an imposing six feet tall, the doll recites lines from the beloved films when squeezed around the waist.

The function that has sparked so much controversy happens when the toy recites the famous line, “I find your lack of faith disturbing,” from the original film, and raises its arm, squeezing together its fingers in a choking motion. Incidents involving a malfunction in the toy’s machinery have led to the hospitalization of dozens of children. Parents immediatly took to social media to share their stories.

“This is an outrage! In this day and age you think you can buy a six-foot tall robotic supervillain for your child and not have to worry about things like this, but I guess big corporations are never gonna learn,” said concerned parent Eric Stephenson, age 37.

“Darth Vader was my favorite growing up as a kid, so to come home and see him choking the life out of my child was…pretty fulfilling actually,” comment

ed Kim Palmer, age 28.

Despite the ongoing controversy, the toy has found a niche market among adults, who applaud its usefulness as a sexual stimulant. Several members on kink forums have expressed their ecstasy over the chance to finally live out their sexual fantasies of being a “naughty” imperial officer on the deck of a Star Destroyer.

“I can’t wait to go home and come out of light-speed too close to the Hoth system!” said local weirdo Edgar Brady, age 43.

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