Ben Carson Awakens from Year-Long Fugue State; Discovers He Ran for President

Early this morning former Presidential candidate awoke at his Florida home confused and disoriented, apparently unaware of his surroundings or how he ended up there, and was taken to an area hospital. After being admitted to the psych ward, doctors determined that Carson had suffered a record breaking fugue state, lasting an entire year. When asked if he remembered running for President, Carson reportedly looked shocked and answered that he had no recollection of his bid for the Republican candidacy.

“The last thing I remember I was at a Denny’s, eating a Grand Slam. Suddenly I’m waking up at home and everything felt different. I just felt wrong. I started to freak out, my wife’s looking at me all strange, there’re some hokey T-shirts with my name on them lying on the floor, and I was inexplicably filled with a deep sense of sadness and regret. Turns out I ran for president and never knew.”

At this time it’s unclear how much of Carson’s memory will return, or what the long-term implications of the fugue state will be, but doctors say he appears to be physically fine, but more tests are being conducted in order to ensure a full recovery. Carson says that he gets flashes of images every now and then, but says anything he does remember is like a dream. “I’m still in shock. I really can’t believe it, but I’ve seen the videos on Youtube now, I guess it really did happen. I just see these images in my head, a serial killer, this orange thing, and Anderson Cooper. Just…staring at me. It’s all just a lot to consider, you know?”

Doctors say Carson’s condition is rare, and the length is even rarer. “It’s basically unheard of, but looking back at his campaign, it does start to explain some things,” says chief physician Robert Clements. “His excruciatingly slow talking, his lack of energy, when he alleged that he stabbed someone, it’s all becoming a little clearer. Honestly, it’s surprising he functioned as well as he did, most people just wander around and get hit by taxicabs. This guy ran an entire presidential campaign! Sure he said he thought Joseph built the pyramids to store grain, but all in all I’ve got to say I’m impressed.”