Economic Boosts Caused by Kmart Blow-Out Sales

Local Kmarts around the nation have been closing down with enormous blow-out sales for the last seven years. One local liquidator said, “We have lowered the price of baby strollers by 25% to get that pesky $49.99 down just a smidge. I just love how excited people are when they apply that discount and purchase the stroller for only $59.99! We plan to open the business again in June so we can have another going-out-of-business sale this winter.”

Another employee added, “I work in the liquidation department at Kmart HQ. They’ve realized there is quite the market for big blow-out deals, so we will be opening businesses and closing them on a regular basis for the extra customer flow." The employee paused to place sale signs on all of the food products, raising the cost of each item by approximately five cents. “I mean, if we didn’t have blow-out sales, how would we make any money?"

While other companies bring in customers with always low prices, mass producing sub-par merchandise all over the globe, or by treating their employees without an ounce of dignity, Kmart’s big focus point is found in their new slogan “Kmart, just wait for the closing sale!”