Susquehanna University's satirical news source
October 31, 2019
Local kids everywhere are in an uproar this Halloween after it was discovered
that none of the apples given out to trick-or-treaters this year contained razorblades.
“This is bullshit!” ranted one of the professional trick-or-treaters affected by the
incident. “Apples are...
While the true meaning of Christmas has been known since antiquity to be some
bullshit about making other people happy or something, the true meaning of Halloween
has remained elusive. However, recently rumors of its discovery have been swirling
around Selinsgrove. I went...
Local Selinsgrove Man Declares: “He isn’t Racist—He Just Wants to Avoid All Minorities at All Costs”
Poltergeists Pacify after Party at TRAX
Campus Voices: Public Safety Receives Guns
February 28, 2019
Susquehanna Mall Cops Can't Handle Weed; Get Guns
February 26, 2019
University President Sees Shadow: Six Weeks of Finals to Come
February 19, 2019
Boomers in Blackface: Trust Us, It’s Impossible to Tell Grandpa His Halloween Costume is Actually Super Racist
SU Board of Directors Proposes New Hiring System
WARNING: They’re hydrated, BPA free, scrunchied out, and tired of your plastic-using bullshit.