Susquehanna University's satirical news source
October 31, 2019
Matthew Bamman The Fifteenth
Local Selinsgrove man, John Whitteman, declares he isn’t racist, he just wants to avoid
all minorities at all costs.
“Yeah, I’m not racist,” commented Whitteman “I respect all ideologies and people of all
backgrounds. Except those God-damn Muslims. Those hijab wearing fre...
Tension has been at an all-time high on campus after Junior Morpus Florpus was caught
plagiarizing on his midterm paper last week. To ease the student body and mind, it was just
announced by President Green that he will be seeking the death penalty for the Junior.
In a pr...
Local Selinsgrove Man Declares: “He isn’t Racist—He Just Wants to Avoid All Minorities at All Costs”
Poltergeists Pacify after Party at TRAX
Campus Voices: Public Safety Receives Guns
February 28, 2019
Susquehanna Mall Cops Can't Handle Weed; Get Guns
February 26, 2019
University President Sees Shadow: Six Weeks of Finals to Come
February 19, 2019
Boomers in Blackface: Trust Us, It’s Impossible to Tell Grandpa His Halloween Costume is Actually Super Racist
SU Board of Directors Proposes New Hiring System
WARNING: They’re hydrated, BPA free, scrunchied out, and tired of your plastic-using bullshit.