Rand Paul Underestimates Heroin Addicts' Time Management Skills

Rand Paul stunned attendees of a September 2nd meet-and-greet in New Hampshire when he proclaimed, “If you work all day long, you don’t have time to do heroin.”

The audience quickly showed signs of disagreement with Paul’s statement, and the Senator seemed surprised by the backlash.

Ernest Birmingham, a local in the crowd, stated, “In all my years of gardening, teaching at the high school, and visiting my grandkids, never in my life had I not had time to shoot up heroin.” Those seated around him, including middle school students, house moms, and members of the Our Lady of Mercy’s Rosary Bead Society, nodded in agreement.

Angie Heller, a prominent businesswoman in the area, also criticized Paul for his remarks. “I don’t think he meant anything bad about the community. I just think he doesn’t really get it, you know?These people have everyday jobs, schedules they keep, and they can juggle both a fulfilling career and a smack addiction. I think he’s really underestimating what Americans are capable of,” Heller commented. “The teens are doing it, the parents are doing it. I mean, does anyone really think he got through med school without snorting dope at least once?”

Paul and his publicity team left the scene once they realized that the audience had every intention of holding the presidential candidate responsible for his remarks.