Susquehanna Presidential Scandal Revealed

After University President L. Jay Lemons announced Monday that he will leave Susquehanna in 2017, sources revealed that the departure was prompted by a name flub on the President’s part.

Sophomore Aaron Farland reported to his friends on Sunday that the President, in a rush, addressed him in passing as “Eric” instead of “Aaron.”

“It wasn’t a big deal,” Farland tried to explain. “But it caught me off guard. He's supposed to know every name on campus so I thought it might be funny to mention to people.”

While humorous to a few students, others on campus found the story less amusing, including members of the University's administration.

“We here at Susquehanna are very forgiving of mistakes,” announced Donna Teller, a representative for the board of trustees. “but it’s one thing to quickly smile and move on with little to no pleasant conversation – but forgetting someone’s name? That is something we cannot put up with.”

While Larry Lemons did issue an apology to the misnamed student, staff and students alike fear too much damage has already been done.

“If President Lemons can’t remember our names, does anything even matter?” asked junior Matt Redford, who expressed vocal doubt about Lemons’ capabilities as president. “It’s like, maybe the workers at Benny’s don’t really care how my day is going. Maybe the maintenance staff aren’t happy to be out and working in the morning. Maybe the new mascot isn't really what a majority of students had hoped for.”

While scouting for the next president is still early, multiple trustees have reported that candidates will be required to repeat the interviewer’s name back to them at the beginning, middle and end of the interview.