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Police Urge Residents Not to Ban Offensive Costumes


Small Town – USA – Police Chief Ryan Underwood has released a statement urging small town residents to tolerate offensive and socially unacceptable costumes so that the police force can “tell who the assholes are.”

Studies show that full grown adults that like to wear racial stereotypes, offensive memes, and sexually suggestive costumes are all “thirsty bitches that are out to start some shit”.

If residents are not allowed to express their shittiness and inherent lack of social values, police may be unable to identify which drunken Monday-afternoon partiers are going to be the ones to cause trouble.

“It’s incredibly vital,” says officer Hannah Vale, “on big holidays like Halloween that we allow people to label themselves in an efficient way. Not to profile, but it tends to be easy to tell which people are going to be the ones to start something destructive or violent after drinking all day on Halloween. When you know them it goes without saying, but from a law enforcement perspective, it makes our jobs much easier when we can tell what the people are wearing.”

This year, remember to be safe, drink responsibly, and keep your mouth shut when your idiot fraternity brother tells you he’s going out as an “Asian Dude”.

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