We don't actually remember how he got here, all we know is that someone left him on our doorstep in 2018 swaddled up like Harry Potter at the beginning of that one movie. We've just kinda rolled with him since then.
Sophia is a news lady, oh yes she is. Just get a load of that blazer, so professional. A black and white photo? Who does she think she is?
She is smiling on the outside and dying on the inside.
Writer/Social Media Manager
Julie gets sunburnt from thinking about vitamin D and is a little afraid of birds, but she's excited to be here.
He writes fiction and lives in New Jersey. Enough said.
Likes: Movies, music, and my dead dog
Dislikes: Math, poetry, and giant multimedia corporations controlling our every waking moment
Catch me vibing! Looking for long term relationships only!
Her favorite activities are taking Prozac, needing melatonin to sleep, and getting ✨creative✨ also she’s treasurer?
I sexually identify as a failure.
Matt just needed an excuse to get out of his room. Now he's here.
She wrote one serious satire articles once and now she's here.
Look Anthony I didn't use the picture of you from Shrek the Musical. Please keep writing for us. Does not attend family gatherings.
Justin writes a lot of articles and I think it was his article that an Onion writer said, "That's fucking great" about but it also might not have been.
Jay is hands-down way too cool for us but she sticks around anyway. Thank you for that, it really means a lot
I thought that "life could be a dream, sha-boom" song was "life could be sweet" and it would have been a cute caption.
Danielle held a tea party at McDonalds one time. That's why we need her. Such a visionary.
Pen names are pretty rad. We love having Longo write for us. They're going to let him be a teacher one day. #concerned
Joey, did you graduate? Thanks for letting some at-the-time freshman publish your work.
I still can't believe we didn't lose you in NYC. I thought your name was Grady. We value you.
Jenna is the Former Slightly Less Supreme Leader and Anti-Social Media Guru and she wrote all of these bios. Yes, she wrote all of these bios. Yes, she chose the photos too. Don't have her guys.
Our Former Supreme Leader. Our Voice of Reason. Our Goddess among men. She writes sometime.
Caroline is the Former Holier-than-though Scribe. Will we still love her when she's no longer young and beautiful? No.
The Archon of the (no longer) Hypothetical Strongbox is a person. He also might be the Former Executioner. We're not really sure but he does stuff for sure.
Alan is our Former Pen Wizard. We doodles, sketches, cartoons, and writes too! What a guy!
He doesn't like Mexican food so the jury is still out on this one.