THE SQUIRREL

By: The Susquehanna Times “This isn’t a good look for anyone.” - Liam, 19, from Boston, Ma. Liam is an active member of his college’s Democrat club majoring in History Education. He’s been reading the New York Times, listening to NPR, questioning the void, and doomscrolling Twitter for his news. In his free time, he plays guitar and uses Twitter to get into long, needlessly personal fights with strangers. His screentime is roughly sixteen hours a day and he’s mutuals with Eli

By: Your friend who's too woke By now we have all heard that Michael Richard Pence, a “famous” author and nothing else , is coming to speak here at Susquehanna University. It is amazing that SO many people were so desperate for this senile old fuck to come to our “lovely” renovated campus to speak about his book. That book, by the way, could’ve been written better by a 13-year-old Wattpad fangirl. So here is a list of people that I would rather have talk on campus than Mikey

Political philosophy, movement, or regime that exalts nation and often race above the individual...

Hello to all of our valued readers, writers, and thinkers, It is with great despair...

Prologue As a 10mm, 5 day old, wild, wiggly screwworm I feel entitled to introduce myself...

Did your dictator suddenly and mysteriously die while at work? Do you want to brush up on...

I’m starting to think some of y’all did actually read Fahrenheit 451...

WE THE PEOPLE of Acorn Valley, Pennsylvania, in order to form a more perfect neighborhood, establish justice for all lawn shapes, ensure neighborly tranquility, provide for common sense, promote gardening welfare, and secure the blessings of the local squirrels, do ordain and establish this constitutional declaration of lawn shape independence for the united homeowners of Acorn Valley. When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one neighborhood to dissolve th

There is calamity at the courts this week as neighbors MacKensaileighlee Stephens and disgraced Vatican member Cardinal Robin feud over a...

Did any of you, directly or indirectly, encounter anything about this case or the parties involved that could create any potential bias or prejudice towards either the prosecution or the defense?