THE SQUIRREL

Hey there, you crazy kids! Here’s my go-to playlist for a typical day at Susquehanna University! Bad Romance  by Lady Gaga: Because of the time the chicken was raw-raw-rah-ah-ah. A.D.H.D.  by Kendrick Lamar: For listening to with your football boyfriend, who probably can’t read full song titles. Water Fountain  by Alec Benjamin: For when you watch your GBP crush hook up with your Smith roommate at an Alpha Sigma Oedipus open house. Hot N’ Cold  by Katy Perry: The dorm buildin

I’m tired of all these wars between different music streaming services. Oh, Spotify has ads, Apple Music isn’t free, Soundcloud is full of freaks, what even is iTunes, blah blah blah, I DON’T CARE! Fuck streaming, bring down the establishment. It’s time to go back to our roots– let’s lift up small, independent artists and local businesses– BRING BACK ROAMING BARDS! Release band kids to the streets! Do your street corners feel empty, blank, silent??? A simple fix: Capture a f

[This article was discovered after it was slipped under the door of The Squirrel headquarters by a group of squirrels, who stole it from a crying music student outside of CCMA. Viewer discretion is advised.] Hello, my name is [CENSORED], and I have been playing the clarinet for almost a decade. Almost a decade too long, if you ask me. Here is my confession.  To start, whoever invented the clarinet must have been in association with SATAN. Who the fuck thought “Hey, what if

Hi kids, it’s Elmo! As you may have heard, Elmo is no longer working at PBS. SAD!!!! :( ...

By: The Susquehanna Times “This isn’t a good look for anyone.” - Liam, 19, from Boston, Ma. Liam is an active member of his college’s Democrat club majoring in History Education. He’s been reading the New York Times, listening to NPR, questioning the void, and doomscrolling Twitter for his news. In his free time, he plays guitar and uses Twitter to get into long, needlessly personal fights with strangers. His screentime is roughly sixteen hours a day and he’s mutuals with Eli

Welcome to Susquehanna, a place of learning…learning about bodily autonomy, apparently...

If there is an opposite to sad beige baby, then I was it. I inhaled color...

By: Your friend who's too woke By now we have all heard that Michael Richard Pence, a “famous” author and nothing else , is coming to speak here at Susquehanna University. It is amazing that SO many people were so desperate for this senile old fuck to come to our “lovely” renovated campus to speak about his book. That book, by the way, could’ve been written better by a 13-year-old Wattpad fangirl. So here is a list of people that I would rather have talk on campus than Mikey

Dear Campus Community, We here at SU are so excited to announce the beginning of a new project...

Does your school hate food and joy and you? Are you slowly wasting away...