THE SQUIRREL

Today at Beast Philanthropy™ we are fixing one of the worst dining services in America!

Ah yes, south central rural Pennsylvania. As I drive by on the rocky, unkempt roads, I look out at the beautiful rolling landscapes from...

Have you ever wanted to get away with murder? Well now you can! By joining a simple pyramid scheme concerning kangaroos, armadillos,...

Dear President and friends,  I am sending this letter regarding this truly preposterous “electoral college”. In my research for this...

I want to escape from the normal. I finally decided to change scenery.

By: squirrel hivemind Suck up more to the donors. Write off students as dependents on our taxes. Ask Joe Biden for money. Just call him...

By: Liv Chartreau (chartreau@susqu.edu if anyone higher-up feels compelled) How much do you, dear reader, appreciate the major you have?...

Congratulations! You, dear reader, have outlived the terrible publication that was The Squirrel.

Benny the Riverhawk, beloved mascot and former supreme leader of Susquehanna University, has been found brutally murdered in a motel room.