Give Me Back My Analog Life

Streaming. The utter shit show that was supposed to save us from the nightmare that is cable and has since turned into the nightmare that is cable. I can feel my brain slowly shriveling each time I scroll through the 6,000 streaming services that exist and finding the same 5 movies every single time. Streaming was so appealing because it’s everything cable had to offer but you could watch movies and tv shows without ads. Gee, it sure would be nice if that was still the case.

If like me you’re sick and tired of streaming services, I suggest we just straight up kill it! Even though it’s not a tangential thing, if we all band together I definitely think we could take down the corporate streaming giants. Instead of streaming, I argue that we should go back to a simple analog life and start using physical media again. Not only is it better for our brains, but it forces people to slow down a little bit and live life. It’s also just a tad whimsical and you can never have too much whimsy in your life.

In an odd way, I miss cable. Cable never gave me the instant gratification of watching whatever movie I wanted to at any given point. If I wanted to do that I needed to set my DVR to tape the movie, and even then I still had to speed through the commercials every time. There’s just nothing fun about streaming, and like everything else in our late-stage capitalist society it’s draining the life and soul out of all of us <3. It would be great if we could go back to the time where it didn’t feel like you were going to be taken out back and shot if you dared to share your password with someone who wasn’t living in your house.

Look at Netflix buying Warner Brothers. Streaming is becoming such a conglomerate thing with companies merging and buying each other that sloppy movies and shows will steadily be on the rise. Streaming doesn’t just kill my whole vibe, it’s ruining cinema as a whole and the consumers are the ones who will pay for it in the end. Do you really want to give these people any more of your hard earned money? We are letting capitalism win out in the end and I refuse to let that happen on my watch.

Unfortunately I can understand why streaming can be appealing. It’s convenient and you don’t have to worry about digging through piles of movies just to find something to watch, but to me that’s the charm of DVDs. Where else are you going to find a copy of a questionable movie that you swore you made up because no one else your age knows what the hell you’re talking about? Because these movies definitely aren’t on streaming. 

Kids nowadays will never know the utter joy that was having your own portable DVD player and I truly feel sorry for them. When we were younger, my brother and I would have actual fistfights over who got to pick the movie we watched until we finally got two separate DVD players in the car. 

I just want some fun and normalcy back in my life without feeling like my brain is going to leak out of my ears, and for me that’s the cheesy 2000s pop renditions of Disney songs at the end of movies and the fun menu games DVDs used to have. 

Please resist the call of capitalism, I’m begging you.