Get A Watch

In a world overrun with iPad kids and iPhone toddlers, I am starting to become concerned with the fact that we might be doomed. Kids are consistently locked into these screens like they are blue light junkies. They are either crying on Roblox because they can’t escape brainrot characters or are absolutely locked in on making their characters vape in Toca Boca World when their mom isn’t looking.

One thing that is depended upon across all of these gadgets is the nifty little clock that sits in the corner. Left, right, bottom, top, the time is right there, easy and accessible, teeny and tiny, no work to be done. With this handy tool, kids are starting to consider wall clocks an ancient artifact. Just another decoration on the wall. That thing with the annoying ticking sound. The circle behind the square cage in the gymnasium. Don’t kick the ball over there.

It is incredibly crazy to think that today when devices are completely removed from a classroom, some kids have no clue what time it is. They no longer squint across the room to see the time, realizing that they probably need glasses. Now they just have to wait for that eye test with the unreliable nurse. They will never understand the feeling of thinking that the hands of a clock are moving slower just because you are staring at them, which is definitely true. Hell, they would probably think you’re crazy for calling those sticks hands. There is not a single finger in sight. They know what a hand is, you fool.

It is true, there are plenty of people who can’t read an analog clock as an adult, but this is often because they never had a need to after being taught. Once they passed the quiz, it was out the window. Bon voyage! At that point our teachers were shuffling us between special classes anyway, so who ever needed to tell time? The point is, at least it was taught to them. The rising issue is that it has reached such a point that some schools no longer cover how to read a clock in the curriculum. At all. There were so many fun games used to teach time, like those ones on First in Math. Where did those go? They made it fun, what more do you need? Traditional clocks are just being removed from classrooms left and right because students are complaining that they can’t read them. If they are taken away, how exactly are these kids going to learn? Adults are enablers! The millennial moms with their 40 oz Stanley Cups and Chevy Tahoes only care about getting their kids to soccer practice anyway. Who needs education?

Do kids even say ‘get a watch’ when someone asks the time anymore? What happened to the good ol days? I guess they can because now we have digital watches, but that just feels… wrong. Put kids back on First in Math. That will fix them. That shit taught me to tell time like a champ. Tell Jennifer soccer practice can wait.