I TRICKED THE SQUIRREL INTO THINKING I CAN WRITE FUNNY ARTICLES (NOT CLICKBAIT) (CRAZY)

Man, I love YouTube pranksters. They’re so cool and clever, and they always get a laugh out of me. With their skibidi speech, bright saturated colors, and pranks that cause public humiliation and/or property damage, what’s not to love? 

I think what this new age of the Internet is good at is making grown men regress, to really get on the same mental level as their fans. An adult man acting his age doesn’t get views, clicks, or that sweet sweet child exploitation cash. I hope Brent and Lance never learn shame, then what would I watch? Educational kids content that teaches me basic reading and math skills, and the way real people interact in the world? That sounds so Ohio! Empathy is way less entertaining than this guy convincing his family that he was murdered! 

That’s a real video I watched. He filled his bathtub with fake blood and destroyed his parents’ home. He smashed pottery, emptied bean bags and couch cushions, sprayed ketchup all over the walls. He got one of his buddies to dress up as the murderer. His mom was crying, and he laughed in her face. They’ll probably never be the same.

It was awesome! 

I recently started pranksmaxxing, and there were so many options to choose from! I picked a classic: public humiliation pranks; following innocent people around with a camera crew to embarrass them. I love watching people get terrorized on the street, being asked to answer inappropriate questions while they just try to go about their day. All for my entertainment! How thoughtful of these pranksters to think of me during their endless chase of the coveted Dollar Bill.

My mom wonders why I’m turning into such a destructive, emotionally unregulated child when all she lets me watch is kids content. These creators don’t care about quality, only quantity. Sure, they could make better content, but why would they when they’re already paying for a mansion with the manic style they have now? 

Slowly, my brain will rot, and I’ll even get some hearing loss from how loudly these adult men with families scream about things being ‘CRAZY!’. Of course, I’ll also be exposed to some gooner content, which slips through the cracks because I don’t understand it, and the adults in my life can’t see it through the rest of the insanity. I’ll learn that it’s funny to be mean to people, as long as you scream ‘it’s just a prank!’. This attitude will leech its way into every aspect of my life, and I will totally pwn these betas. My humor will devolve into just the idea that loud is funny, and I won’t be able to regulate myself like the other kids, because my role models are grown men who act 12. By the time I’m sent home early with two braids in my hands because it’s a prank to fanum tax all of Amanda’s hair right before her school picture, it will be too late. I’ll never be the same, and society will have lost another child full of potential to the slurry that is children’s content on YouTube.

HA! You really believed all of that? DUDEEEEE. It’s just a PRANK, RELAX. You looked SO STUPID, believing all of that! NEGATIVE AURA! I’m not able to reflect on my actions, how could I be? I LOVE PRANKS! PRANKS PRANKS PRANKS PRANKS PRANKS–