IT IS NOT GAY TO KISS THE HOMIES GOODNIGHT (And Other Forgotten Verses)
By: The Homie Historian
Gentlemen, I am here to tell you that you do not need to worry anymore about feeling alone as you put your sorry self to bed. Having recently returned from my Religious Studies GO trip to Null Island off of the Gulf of Guinea, I am here to present my discoveries. While exploring this desolate island, I found a vault of ancient texts. Within this trove of knowledge I found several scrolls lost to time, whose teachings I will now share with you.
“Search these commandments, for they are true and faithful, and the prophecies and promises which are in them shall all be fulfilled.” - Doctrine of the Bois
“And God said, Let there be goodnight kisses, and there were goodnight kisses. And God saw that the goodnight kisses were good” - Homiesis 1:3-4
“So God blessed the goodnight kisses and made them holy, because on it God rested from all His work that He had done for the Boys.” - Homiesis 2:3
“Women kiss each other and if men are superior to women then, my Brothers in Christ, we must be superior at kissing each other.” - Broses
“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will cum in him and eat him out, and he with me.” - Bruh-velations 3:20
“Do not be afraid. Do not be satisfied with mediocrity. Put it in deep and let down your pants for a lad.” - Pope John Paul II
“You have one business on Earth - to kiss boys.” - John Wesley
“G-sus answered, ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes except in me.’” - John 14:6
Fellas. How many nights have you gone to bed without a woman (or man, if you’re into that sort of thing) to say goodnight to you? With no one to caress your cheek? To brush your hair to the side of your forehead? How many nights have you gone to bed without getting a kiss goodnight?
The solutions to these questions have been hidden away from us by the radical left who want us to continue in our ways so they can continue to blame society’s problems on “toxic masculinity” and “men being boys.” Well no more. If we follow the scrolls and incorporate the forgotten knowledge of the goodnight kisses from the homies, we can triumph over the radical left and usher in an age of appreciation amongst men. When the apocalypse comes, we will all be reborn into a more righteous world, a world in which we all know that it is NOT gay to kiss the homies goodnight.
