Keep Your Crotch Goblins Off My Music

Kidz Bop did a cover of “Tears” by Sabrina Carpenter and I cannot hold my tongue any longer. Get off my fucking lawn. 

Not all music is for children, and not all music needs to be appropriate for every age level. Stop it. And also, just because your kid listens to an artist does not mean they should, or that the artist has to make their music child friendly. Artists do not control their listeners. You are the parent and you are supposed to be monitoring what content your kids consume. If you don’t want your kid listening to sexually explicit music, the solution is not to make a TikTok complaining that the artist makes sexually explicit music. The answer is to be a fucking parent.

Sabrina Carpenter is just the latest musical target for parents to be upset with. Previous targets from this generation have included Miley Cyrus, Lil Nas X, Cardi B, and Megan Thee Stallion, and the backlash never made sense then either. As previously stated, Kidz Bop exists. Maybe I don’t particularly like the musical abominations that corporation produces, but they are literally making the music child appropriate. Why do you parents insist on getting mad that the original song exists too? If your kid finds the original online, guess whose job it was to monitor that, Karen? Yours.

Yes, Sabrina Carpenter used to be a Disney star and wrote music which was less explicit. Guess why that was? She was a fucking child herself. She ain’t a child anymore, Deborah. Just because you aren’t getting fucked doesn’t mean Sabrina isn’t, and clearly she wants to write about it! Adults are allowed to create art about adult things, and children are not required to view or participate in it. It is not up to the artist to write their music in a way which plans for in case a child stumbles across it.

Lil Nas X is an artist who suffered from this phenomenon when he released “Montero” a few years ago. Just because kids enjoyed his debut song “Old Town Road”, parents assumed he would cater all of his music towards children, which was not true in the slightest. His songs following “Old Town Road” were not child friendly either, but the moment he made a song about being gay and enjoying gay sex, suddenly it’s a problem. Control your damn kids maybe?

The other side of the coin here is that your kids will be exposed to these topics anyway, and as the parent you should be ready and able to have those hard conversations with them. Okay so your child listened to Sabrina Carpenter sing about her pussy juice dripping down her thighs when she sees her man? I’m sure you don’t want them hearing that, but also your kid is being shown porn on the playground by Jimmy from down the road. Your kid has to do active shooter drills in school and worry about one day getting a bullet to the brain. Your kid watched a pedophile rapist be inaugurated as president. There are much worse things happening in the world, much worse things your child is being exposed to, and they’re not Sabrina Carpenter enjoying her sexual freedom. Might be time to have some perspective and be a fucking parent, Janice.