Letter from the Editor

By: Amber Watkin

Dear Readers,

I invite you to take a little trip back in time with me and consider Susquehanna University, circa 2014. Life was simpler back then, when the biggest event in pop culture was the Ellen DeGeneres Oscars selfie and society was still riding the high of the surge in dystopian media. Susquehanna was largely the same, with perhaps a few more emo fringes and students still going around discussing their districts, houses, and factions. At least I assume it was the same, I was like 12 so my biggest concern at the time was the impending release of The Fault in Our Stars movie.

All that to say, the world was blissfully unaware of what was brewing in a small corner of the SU campus. Someone somewhere (probably a room in Fisher) was giving birth. It was a painful process, as most births are. The contractions wouldn’t let up, and the labor lasted hours. There was blood pooled on the floor, tears shed, and at the end of it all: one fucked up little monstrosity of a baby. I imagine everyone in the room wanted to scream at the sight of what they had created, probably fighting the urge to shove it back in where it could never see the light of day. But bred under fluorescent lighting and what I can only assume were conditions of absolute insanity: The Squirrel was born, and there was no going back.

Okay, that’s not exactly how it happened. Though our ugly little mascot (whom we love dearly) does in fact look like it would be a product of some fucked-up back alley birth situation, its origins are actually pretty average. In 2014 Randy Robertson, our beloved advisor (who actually has gotten better at responding to emails, slay king!), was teaching a class on writing satire. It was through the magic of this class, the power of comedy, and the willpower of some The-Onion-obsessed 20-year-olds that The Squirrel came to be. 

And now, a full decade later, look what we’ve become! Our history has certainly been…questionable, to say the least. We’ve made a lot of people laugh, and even more people angry. I think it’d be fair to say that we are simultaneously the most well-known, beloved, and hated publication on campus. We’ve accomplished a lot in the last ten years, such as: creating a totally real frat based entirely on the concept of the Oedipus complex, pinning 69 grievances to the doors of the chapel only for them to immediately be taken down because certain people got very angry, and probably also pushing Kevin Hamilton, former head of Dining Services, to flee this campus. Sorry Kev, wish I could say that was undeserved, but you really sucked man. 

The Squirrel is and always has been the voice of the people. Not the dumb people though, they can get fucked. Not the republicans either. Or the type of people who use YikYak religiously. And definitely not people whose primary form of communication is Snapchat. Oh my god, and absolutely not people who walk really slow and take up the entirety of the sidewalk. Okay, so we’re maybe the voice of a very specific people. But, to be fair, that’s the only people really worth listening to. 

It’s been a glorious ten years (...if we ignore some of that middle section), and it’s only the beginning. If you were concerned that this sounded like a goodbye, don’t worry—we’re not going anywhere. We plan to stick around for at least another decade, mostly because we’d kinda just like to see how long we can get away with openly shit talking the school before they get angry enough to shut us down. So, enjoy this edition! And wish us a happy birthday, it’s the least you could do for all the entertainment we provide. If you skip out on the birthday wishes, just know your name will be added to a long list that exists deep in the archives of our google drive. Not saying what the list is for, but you’ll be on it. If I were you, I’d make the smart decision and send a birthday card our way.

Yours (for the second-to-last time),

The Editor in Chief of The Squirrel