Lobotomy Entries

Dear diary, 08/17/1949

I found today to be rather uneventful. I drowned out reality with an incredible slumber that lasted most of the day except for when I ate a portion of stale bread and tap danced for my favorite scurry of squirrels. The most interesting part of my day was going to my shrink. His name is Dr. Hooligan, and I find him to be extremely bright. He points out the struggles I have been dealing with that I was not aware of before appearing in his office. Dr. Hooligan told me that ever since I got kicked in the head by that donkey, I’ve begun to experience intense fury and hysteria. I mean, any reasonable person would be furious if they had a dent in the shape of a hoof on the side of their cranium, but I digress. Doc said it is one of the worst cases of ass to the head he has seen in 15 years. He said that my irritability was getting worse and my treatment needs to change. This means I will no longer be shocked with 60 volts of electricity every monday through thursday. Instead, he introduced me to something else he’s been trying out called ‘lobotomy.’ It is the new technology that will rid me of all problems. Apparently, these doctors have found a way to access the brain and erase what causes these issues. How brilliant! There was not much description on how the procedure was going to exactly work, but I trust him completely. I am going to get treated tomorrow so I will record my experience at that time.

See you soon,

Arthur

Deem Henry? 00/42/1812

I em 3 yere old and me got lobtbyingg! Eye hurtzzzzz. Homefully da payne fo ahway. Hooligan phut needle en I hed. Yeowch. Eye cajun not ate bye myshelf und cannnnot wulk ore juhmp ore tep danch. Eye soooöoooooooooooooo saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. Help me ACDBEFC!! Ut O me brian es shpilling ouch my ere. Henry less go tuh Luxemburrrggg! PleeAeeAseeeeeeeee. BWIBsandwitchi qiuUIubdjkkn meowmeownBBiupqoPo! Henry listening tomy thougts. GRRRRRrrrrrrrr bawrk bawrk GET ought Tap dance!hooray

Okey bay bay,

Arby’s