Peter Pan Was Right

I have recently escaped my teen years and the only thing I can seem to think about since then is how I desperately want to go back to being a kid again. When you are young and can’t do anything on your own, all you want to do is grow up and be a big kid, but NEWS FLASH: BEING A BIG KID FUCKING SUCKS. When you’re a kid everyone tells you all of these amazing things that you will get when you get older like you’ll be able to drive or go to college or move out of your parents house, but you know the one thing they always leave out of that spiel??? MONEY. Life is just one major pyramid scheme and I am done with it. 

Here is my condensed list of all of the reasons being a big kid sucks: 

1. GAS: As soon as you turn 16 and become a big kid you think you have this great ability to go wherever you want, but they never tell you that buying a car is damn expensive, and you know what the icing on the disgusting cake is? GAS. Gas is expensive as fuck and if you wanna go anywhere you have no choice but to spend all your hard earned big kid money on fucking gas. And you wanna know where that leaves you? With no money to do anything that will bring you any type of joy. 

2. NO TOYS: Why is it that all of the sudden it’s not acceptable to play with toys anymore? I want to be able to relax in my room with my Barbie Dream House and my Taylor Swift Barbie Dolls but NOOOOOOOO, that makes me weird. I can’t play pretend with my My Little Ponies??? If I talk to myself I am automatically weird?? Like COME ON. Can I have anything that will make me happy?????? 

3. NO BUILT IN NAPS: It is so insane to me that naps are not built into my day. Why is this something that we as a society moved away from? I need my beauty sleep as a 20 year old more than I did as a four year old. Not having this feels like a crime and because of this you will feel my big kid rage. 

4. UNFORTUNATE REALIZATION: Everyday I wake up as a big kid and I open my phone to political text messages and the sound of slamming doors and people dying and the sun that is too bright and my pillow being too flat and my back hurting and my homework not being done and a migraine and … I’ll stop, I think you get the idea. Long story short, being a big kid makes you realize that there are really big issues that are happening in the world and there is quite literally nothing that you can do about it. Unfortunately, being a big kid means that you finally see that there are problems that expand outside of your bedroom, and you know what? It sucks. 

Well, being a big kid is a scam but that is something I guess we are just going to have to get through. Just a little reminder: no one will ever know what you do behind closed doors so play with your freaking Barbies and take your well deserved nap. LAST THING. You know what’s not a scam? Calling your mom about everything. I’m gonna go do that now, bye!