Ten people we think would be a better candidate than Dr. Oz (Not Satire)
BY: Jersey Michael (not sponsored)
Election season is upon us, folks. As we bite our fingernails about who will be taking seats in the Senate this fall, here is a list of ten people we think would be a much better candidate than Dr. Oz, because you haven’t heard anyone genuinely say they’re voting for Dr. Oz, right? (If you’re reading this and are actually voting for Dr. Oz, don’t just stop reading this article, dropout <3).
DISCLAIMER: No, we’re not listing The Wizard of Oz in this article, because just like his descendant, he is also a conman! Except the Wiz is from Omaha rather than Cleveland, but both make a lot of sense for them tbh.
A Jersey Mike’s sub (still not sponsored) - palatable, healthier than his campaign, and actually staying in New Jersey
Judy (from Benny’s)(sponsored) - do I really need to explain?
Judge Judy - slaying longer than Oz has been alive, spiritually and metaphorically
Judy Garland (the actress who played Dorothy) - one of America’s unsung heroes and icons for many reasons. The movie industry screwed her over severely (go on Wikipedia) and she was also a gay icon! (again: see Wikipedia)
Someone who doesn’t have multiple lawsuits against them - example: The Squirrel :)
O-Team Leaders - if they volunteered to surround themselves with freshmen for five days straight (not including the week of training prior), imagine what they would do if they were given money
Sam Proffitt (<3) - she would run the entire Senate by herself and she would do it RIGHT
Randy Robertson - give him some time (and multiple emails) and he’ll keep things afloat (just like the Squirrel)
Guy from the Maury show - dismantling the lies of the U.S. government one DNA test at a time (this is his slogan)
Anna Rickrode - she’s pure sunshine, which I think would solve all our problems
Honorable Mentions:
An actual Doctor
An actual PA resident
Punxsutawney Phil
Any two-year-old
Taylor Swift (PA born and raised)
Spirit Halloween (but only September-October, the seat should sit empty the other months)
Ohio, the concept
The Yellow Power Ranger
