These are MY people of the year

Yo. It’s Tim. Your friendly neighborhood business major with no awareness of the world beyond that daily grindset and the coloring pages I have for homework. Man, I love capitalism. Anyway, I was told to critique the TIME Magazine Person of the Year for this gen-ed humanities class I have to take because, like, the humanities people object to it being the “architects of AI” or whatever. I personally love water pollution and burning up my frontal lobe. Anyway, I didn’t want to write a whole essay about it so here’s my quick little list of some people I think would have looked nice on the cover. 

The fly. Yeah that dude from all the memes. I think he landed on some politician dude? Mike Dense or something like that? I don’t know; I don’t really do politics. I just love money. 

Sabrina Carpenter. She was my third top artist on Spotify last year…but totally because I accidentally looped one of her songs overnight, uh, yeah. Sometimes I imagine she watches me lifting weights at the gym and calls me a good boy when I hit a new personal best. Sabrina, I can be your best friend. Woof!

Ashton Hall: The daily routine influencer guy. Yeah that big burly man with his fancy blue water bottles and journaling routine and all the bananas. That guy is ripped, man. I want to look like him, or have him carry me around like a purse dog. In like a bro way though, not a weird way. He is THE Grind I aspire to be. 

A Librarian. I don’t know like a specific one, but there was this really nice librarian when I went to the library for the first time when ChatGPT was down, and she handed me this big brick she called a “book.” Once I got the hang of all the words on the page I actually found myself enjoying it? Like there was a dragon, that’s cool as fuck! I even thought about the dragon later on, like it was still in my head or some shit. Wild stuff man. I think we should put one of them on the front cover cause that was like wizardry. A librarian, not a dragon. Dragons aren’t real. I learned that later :(

Timothee Chalamet. We share the same name so it would be like I was on the cover, and that would be a great resume builder! I need to build my biceps too, have bigger biceps than this other Tim dude so then I can bag Kylie Jenner instead, you know? She’s got tons of money and maybe I can have some! Dad cut my allowance last week, but Mom has been sending me tens secretly. She’s always been nice to me when Dad gets in one of his moods. I miss her. But yeah, Tim Chal be on the cover of TIME…(See what I did there? That librarian told me it’s called a pun!) 

So yeah, that’s my list. At the end of the day, I don’t really care about any of this. I just need to pass this class so I can go back to learning how to make that bread, you feel me? Anyway, I got a game of Monopoly due at midnight, so I gotta get on that. Tim signing off