Whore O Scopes

Aquarius: You are having an average life in general so this week you’re going to continue to be… yk average. I mean maybe slightly above average, like it’ll be a chill week for you for sure. Make sure to make time for yourself so you can rest and binge your favorite shows.

Scorpio: Um I’m gonna be real with you I am a little biased about scorpios however I’m lowkey biased in both ways. My freshman year roommate was a scorpio and so was another friend of mine from freshman year. But on the other hand, my ex-boyfriend who cheated on me was a Scorpio and then had a weird thing with yet another Scorpio man. So I’m gonna say if you’re a girl Scorpio you will have a pretty good week and you’ll get bought a drink at the bar (if you’re over 21 of course). Oh, and if you are a male Scorpio… idk honestly just leave me alone and I’ll support you having a good week. Seriously please leave me alone 😭

Virgo: This is going to be your week! You are going to have a fantastic hair day every single day this week and won’t even need to have more wash days than usual. Congratulations on this milestone, honestly it is a tough feat. Also, you’re going to get so many compliments on your hair and if you don’t then everyone is just jealous and rude.

Gemini: I’ve heard that Geminis get a lot of hate but my dad is a Gemini and he's pretty good. So I am going to say that you will come into some money this week, not much but still 20 bucks is 20 bucksa dollar is a dollar. 

Aries: You are going to forget to turn in a homework assignment but don’t worry you’ll convince your professor to give you partial credit still.

Leo: You are going to stare at yourself in the mirror for an hour every day this week. And one day you’ll do it for 3 hours.

Libra: Honestly you need to just calm down. I can feel your energy from here and it’s simply too much. You probably will have too much energy this week and are going to annoy one of your friends. Good luck tho.

Cancer: You already have a very unfortunately named star sign so I am granting you an above-average week. You will ace an exam and will have half the amount of homework you normally do.

Capricorn: You are going to see a unicorn.

Sagittarius: You are going to reunite with your best friend from childhood. Also, you’re going to find someone’s wallet. Be a good person and return it to them without taking any money.

Pisces: You’re going to piss your pants from laughing too hard at your friend’s joke.

Taurus: Goddamn why are there so many fucking star signs?! Idk…you’re gonna fail a test…or maybe get an A? Idk.