Why Taylor Swift Should Totally Be President!
By: Blondie’s PR Team
Artists around the world would benefit! As a still in-touch billionaire, I’m sure President Swift would immediately order the arts to receive proper funding within academia, and a new era of proper compensation for artists would emerge. She can also order music platforms to actually pay their artists—she did it before with no political influence so why not again? Spotify would have a heart attack! :)
Swifties would vote! Think of all the untapped voting potential lying within the Swift fan base, and the influence of that crazed mass would only bolster other’s voting on Election Day. If they can memorize every line of her songs then they can memorize all her debate points and mind numbingly recite them to everyone in their vicinity.  :)Â
Natural Selection (Taylor’s Version)! If Taylor is president then when people throw things at her they can legally be shot, which they deserve. How fucking stupid are you to throw things at performing artists, anyways?? I hope you morons get infinite microphones chucked at your heads. :)
Politics would be fun! Let’s be honest, if the State of the Union Address was primary-colored and sung with purple prose then more of the nation would probably watch it. It would be so nice to turn on the news and hear more than how our human rights are being taken away and our tax money is funding genocide. :)Â
Economic Benefits! Americans already deepthroat the boots of overconsumption and consumerism on the daily, and President Swift can capitalize on this even more than she already does by releasing a line of United States (Taylor’s Version) merch! For the low price of your entire savings account and fistfighting a mass of white women in the parking lot of Target, you too can own the American flag-colored cardigan! Buy each verse of The National Anthem (Taylor’s Version) on 8 separate CDs now!  :)
Kanye West would have an aneurysm! :)Â
More puzzles! Can you imagine how much fun it would be to guess her foreign policy decisions or political leanings based on social media subtext and internet keyword searches? I mean we already have to guess most of those anyway so it’s not like much would change.  :)Â
She’s not like the other billionaires! It’s perfect that the internet forgot there are no ethical billionaires the moment Taylor became one…  :)
10. Not another Hollywood president! See we’ve had entertainers as presidents before and we know the UH-MAZE-ING job that they did. I mean, we all agree with the great political policies and legacies of Ronald Reagan and Donald Trump, right? But don’t worry, Taylor isn’t another Hollywood girlie, she’s THE Music Industry, so it’s totally okay! Besides, could you imagine the mess someone with actual political knowledge and background would create in this country? God forbid we elect someone based on their politically-related credentials! Oh wait, I didn’t say that with primary colors and an overpriced sweater so maybe you didn’t understand…
