Local Man actually fucking forgot where he was on 9/11

It seems that despite the nationwide tributes, services, red-white-and-blue confetti, and some unpleasant memories of George W. Bush, one man has finally managed to totally blank out on where exactly he was during the September 11 attacks.

Elliott Anderson, 32, who didn’t lose anyone in his immediate or extended family, never had the benefit of co-opting his relatives’ loss, but felt that it was still important to keep the memory alive, sometimes going so far as to tweet “#neverforget” and to add the appropriate memorial filter to his Facebook profile picture.

But this year, Elliott says, all the talk of the recent election, fake news, Russian collusion, Neo-Nazis, the hurricane, the two hurricanes after that, and Game of Thrones’ worst season to date has made his memory cloudy.

“I mean, I could have sworn I was eating breakfast out on the patio, but sometimes I see myself inside, over by the bookcase. At that point technically I hadn’t turned on the TV to see the news yet and my mother wouldn’t have called for another fifteen minutes, so I guess maybe it’s a bit arbitrary.”

Nevertheless, Elliott insists, “it still means something to me and the fact that I can’t remember it makes me really question the way this country is starting to go. If I can’t fetishize a national tragedy from sixteen years ago how am I going to justify my voting habits?”

Despite his lapse in memory Elliott remains optimistic. “I do have relatives in Florida and Houston. Maybe if I’m lucky the hurricanes will pick a few of them off and I can finally have a tragedy of my own.”