Spooky! That Homeless Guy on the Corner is Seeing Ghosts from Vietnam Again

SELINSGROVE, PA -- We hope you carved those pumpkins and stocked up on candy in time for Halloween last night! As Halloween descended upon us, many residents of this humble, festive community began decorating their houses with haunting skeletons and buying their children the eeriest costumes available. But one local resident celebrated this time of year in perhaps the most bone-chilling way imaginable.

Area beggar and Purple Heart recipient Ron Jackson took it upon himself to fill his community with Halloween spirit by raving wild-eyed at passersby about his visions of his dead comrades from the Tet Offensive back in ‘68.

“There I was, ankle-deep in the burning jungles of ‘Nam. Three of my brothers had already been slain by landmines. Little Jimmy Johnson was barely out of high school when he got recruited. He lasted for six months before exploding shrapnel tore him limb from limb,” said Jackson, taking a swig from an unidentifiable bottle stuffed a brown paper bag.

“Those commie bastards had us surrounded. I barely had the strength to carry what scraps were left of Little Jimmy back to camp. Oh, my God, Jimmy...I’m so sorry!”

Local residents highlight the consequences of the military-industrial complex as one of the key reasons to come back for more of Jackson’s tales.

“I thought that I’d seen everything the horror genre had to offer until I stared into the cold, bleak eyes of a man who stared into the void of perpetual warfare and whispered unto me the name of Death. Man, not even Stephen King himself could write this gold!”

Well, it’s always a welcome sight to see the local community making this a truly spook-tacular time of year for everyone!