High School English Teacher Pretty Stoked That Nobody Pays Attention Ever

Speaking with Squirrel reporters on Thursday, local high school English teacher Kathy Peterson confirmed that she's thrilled that nobody ever pays attention in her class.

"I went through four grueling years of college for an English degree to teach this class, so it's nice that I can just chill for now," says Peterson, who teaches poetry and creative writing classes. "Everyone is just really stoned all the time in there, and it's awesome. I'm stoked that the only work I ever have to do is talk about poems with a bunch of zoned out kids who give zero fucks."

The seven-year teacher explained that once in a while she'll get a couple people that say "Duuuuudee," to the poems that are really "deep and gnarly," but it's essentially silent in her classroom. She also said she's getting really tired of one girl, Kaitlin Reed, who reportedly never shuts up and tries to start actual class discussions.

"She's a pain in the ass and she does every assignment on the syllabus. I don't even assign them verbally, she just does them and I'm so sick of it. I'm pretty sure she's never baked in my class, so I'll probably give her a zero in class participation or something, for being so annoying."

At press time, Peterson was concerned that she may have brought the wrong brownies to the teacher's lounge and given the regular ones to her students.