Professor Forgets Password, Advisees Plunged Into Chaos

The end of the registration period found dozens of university students in panic because they had not yet received lifts on their registration holds. Many worried they would be unable to get into necessary classes.

"I really need to get Intro to Quantitative Birdwatching," said junior Jake Whittaker. "It's a requirement for my major."

Investigation revealed that these students were all advisees of Dr. Duncan Macintyre, an associate professor of ergonomics, who was unable to lift their holds because he had forgotten his password.

"The first five times I tried, I had caps lock on," Macintyre said. "And then I couldn't remember how I spelled the name of my first dog. So I tried to reset my password, but now the school requires us to include special characters, which I disagree with for personal reasons,"

After the first three hours, Dr. Macintyre reported he had stopped responding to students' frantic emails. When students approached him in class or in his office, he claimed that something was wrong with his inbox.

With the deadline to register approaching, students everywhere are falling into confusion. Several have resorted to asking friends in the IT department to hack into Macintyre's account.

At press time, Dr. Macintyre announced that he had found a sticky note containing what may have been his password under a cat-shaped paperweight on his desk, but that due to his multiple failed attempts to log in, was locked out of the system for 24 hours.