Complications Arise in Susquehanna’s RA Applications

With the recent Resident Assistant application process only a few days behind us, Susquehanna University student Henry Buchanan has filed a complaint about certain requirements for the position which he felt prevented him from fair consideration for the position.

“On the flyer, it said you had to have a sense of adventure. But humans only have five senses, and adventure isn’t one of them,” Buchanan stated. “There’s sight, taste, smell, touch and hearing. Anyone with a 2.5 GPA knows that!”

Buchanan reported that applying through River Hawk Recruiter was the least distressing aspect of the application process, and expressed concern about other prerequisites.

“The application says you have to have a great heart. The problem is, I had to get my heart replaced with an artificial one years ago. It kinda feels like I’m being discriminated against, you know?”

Buchanan also complained about one final qualification listed on River Hawk Recruiter. “Diverse as a requirement is too broad,” Buchanan added. “That can mean anything. Does it mean I have to be an Irish-Egyptian-Mexican? Because I am and I can prove it if I have to.”

Buchanan concluded by commenting that the application process was so rigorous, it was almost as though Residence Life cared about the quality of campus living.

“We absolutely take this process very seriously to ensure that only the best, most qualified students are hired for this very important part of campus life,” said one representative from Residence Life as she absentmindedly queued up a new game of Space Cadet Pinball.

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