I Don’t Wear Makeup for Boys, I Wear it to Appease the Flying Spaghetti Monster


I have faced recent harassment due to my makeup looks, my bold red eyeliner look with matching red lips was shunned by a girl who lives down the hall from me. She claimed I “was wearing extreme looks just to draw attention to myself” and she also claimed I “looked like a clown” which was ridiculous. It doesn’t matter if a child came up to me asking to hear a joke and that the barista at Starbucks cried when I got to the counter to order.

Ignorant men fight girls over women’s choice of expression. The other day in the park some fedora wearing boy came up to me, saying I “was beautiful just the way I was” and that he could “show me my inner beauty.” When I tried to express my love for my monster and savior, he scoffed and began to mock my makeup and say he was a good guy. He then forcibly tried to remove my makeup by giving me a swirly in the nearby fountain. This harassment has gone too far, the public does not always know a woman’s reason for wearing makeup every day and

Makeup is a personal for of expression for me, something I do to grow closer to my true calling and passion: pastafarianism. My so called “extreme” makeup looks bring me closer to my God and savior. The Flying Spaghetti Monster who has blessed me and sent me to this Earth, boiled for my sins and brought me closer to my true self, deserves to be honored. So I take it into my own hands to be a pure creation, mirroring his form through my makeup, creating a shrine in his honor wherever I go and spreading his good word.

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