Local Bigot Demonstrates for Students How to Properly Spray a Swastika

SELINGSROVE, PA- Sick and tired of these “one-trick ponies” jacking his style, local botanist and self-described “Aryan” Brian Cutter hosted a workshop Thursday night at Susquehanna University on the delicate art of defacing public property with a swastika.

“These fucking amateurs make our art look like a first grader’s finger-painting project,” Cutter told reporters. “The proper way to tell these special snowflakes that we’re sick and tired of their ‘inclusiveness’ bullcrap, while also pledging one’s allegiance to our Fuhrer, is through the standard angular design, not this abstract garbage.”

Several panels were held throughout the workshop, with experts from around the area providing hands-on demonstrations in vandalism and swastika design, so that others could learn the beauty of telling Jews, Muslims, and all those other weird races to go back to their own respective countries, even if we aren’t sure which countries those are.

“We really see this an opportunity for community growth,” said workshop leader Darrel Adams, local mechanic and founding member of the Susquehanna chapter of the White Knights of America. “Our community’s future, and indeed the future of the entire country, relies upon the continual investment in our nation’s youth.”

When asked about their experiences at the workshop, university students expressed outrage and disgust over the event. “I don’t know what the administration was thinking,” junior art major Stephanie Jameson said, “Just because these Gen-X’ers don’t understand the artistic implications of my post-modernist swastika doesn’t mean it’s not just as anti-Semitic as theirs.”

Other students expressed frustration that the presentations were “redundant” and “uninformative”, claiming that the Susquehanna population has already mastered the ability to draw a proper swastika.

Write for The Squirrel

We always welcome new writers and thinkers so send us ideas, articles, headlines, comics, or any other satire your brain had cooked up while you read. 

Comment on The Squirrel

Share your thoughts, whatever they may be, with the writers, editors, and creators of The Squirrel. 

Join The Squirrel

SU students are welcome to join us! E-mail us through our contact page for the latest meeting info.

Please reload


The articles and comics on this website are satirical and are intended as humorous commentary. Articles and artwork belong to their respective authors.

This site was designed with the
website builder. Create your website today.
Start Now