Latest Congressional Speech Confirms Trump Can Read


Quelling growing concerns about his literacy, President Trump successfully read a speech from the teleprompter during his most congressional address on April 12th.

When asked about the President’s reading ability, Trump aide Kellyanne Conway said: “Of course he can read. We’ve gotten the best Kindergarten teachers to give Donald the education he deserves.”

According to Trump’s Mar-a-Lago guest registry, the president had a teacher with him at all times on the golf course. According to the teacher, “He wanted help remembering the differences between ‘put’ and ‘putt’ as he would often get tired and wanted to just drop the ball into the hole.”

CNN correspondent Anderson Cooper responded: “At least we can rest a bit easier knowing the President can read. And wake up in a cold sweat later, knowing he can read which button says ‘nuclear weapons’.”

NBC’s Matt Lauer said, “I remember being class president in the 1st grade. Back then, I couldn’t have read a speech as well as Trump.”

The president’s recent strides have also been reflected in his policy making, according to White House chief strategist Steve Bannon.

“The man has definitely improved,” Bannon said. “His office was always a mess, papers everywhere. If something had more than two sentences on it, he’d have Conway pin a picture to it. But now he’s even caught me trying to sneak clauses into his executive orders allowing me access to the nukes. It was so much easier to get things by him when he’d just sign whatever I put on his desk.”

Write for The Squirrel

We always welcome new writers and thinkers so send us ideas, articles, headlines, comics, or any other satire your brain had cooked up while you read. 

Comment on The Squirrel

Share your thoughts, whatever they may be, with the writers, editors, and creators of The Squirrel. 

Join The Squirrel

SU students are welcome to join us! E-mail us through our contact page for the latest meeting info.

Please reload

 

The articles and comics on this website are satirical and are intended as humorous commentary. Articles and artwork belong to their respective authors.

This site was designed with the
.com
website builder. Create your website today.
Start Now