The Woke-ender
TRAX
Friday, 5/31: The Committee of Student Activities’ annual I Wanna Get Lucky party is back! Get ready to put the “college” in “college party” with informative party games that will teach you how to get the most out of your Friday nights. Activities will include traditional drinking contests, Sex-Offender Jeopardy, and Pin-the-Stigma-On-the-Victim.
EVENT PROGRAMMING
Friday, 5/31: The Career Development Center will be hosting a seminar called “How to Keep the Party Going After College.” In the last year, many significant figures in big business, Hollywood, even our own government have faced sexual assault allegations for crimes they committed decades prior as college-age adults. This two hour program is designed to teach students the basics of keeping their skeletons comfortably locked away in the closet. Remember, we may all know what goes on here on campus now, but the rest of America doesn’t have to!
CHARLIE’S COFFEEHOUSE
Thurs., 5/29: Darcy’s Awesome Sticky Buns and Pretzels! - 8 p.m. Come on down and enjoy a sticky bun while male employees shower you with uncomfortable innuendos and inappropriate jokes about your “buns”. The guy seated next to you will suggestively lick his lips while offering to “twist you up like a pretzel”, much to your chagrin. You’ll only eat half of what you ordered before leaving after the guy offers to buy you a drink in exchange for something sweet from you.
TRANSPORTATION
The Shopping Shuttle runs every Saturday, continuously from 1-6 p.m. As the weather continues to get warmer, the bus driver will leer at you in your shorts and tank top. Feel free to look out the window at the Selinsgrove community to avoid catching the driver staring at you in their mirror. Also hope and pray internally that they won’t try to engage with you in conversation when you’re the only one on the bus, where you’ll have to be just polite enough to keep them at bay, but not too eager to be misconstrued as flirting. Finally sigh in relief when someone joins the bus after one of its stops.
