Susquehanna University's satirical news source
October 31, 2019
NEZEROTH, OUTER RIM- Clad in pearl-white robes trimmed with golden filigree, a
messenger from the Temple of the Higher Echelon reports that The Elders would, in fact, like a
word with you.
“It will take but a moment,” the messenger is reported as saying, gesturing to you with an
outstretched arm, his perfectly-bald head illuminating the gold, glistening pillars of the Temple.
Sources report that The Elders almost never summon a Lowborn to meet in the Chamber of
Elements, so you should make haste at once.
At press time, sources indicate that the messenger had arrived amidst the hurried whispers of
none other than Ingvard the Clever, the devilishly-minded advisor who has had it out for your
family since the Fall of Kragnorath in 3287 SE.
“Fools, all of them!” Ingvard the Clever muttered under his cloak, stroking his perfectly pointed
beard, black as a cauldron. “Beckoning for some Lower Chaste filth…have they no regard for
the nuances of court politics? The Andrimaeans will continue to regard us as feckless savages as
long as we endure this…parasite in our midst!”
It is to be noted that The Elders are a quick-tempered bunch, fair, but swift with their
punishment. Rumors are already abuzz with what could have possibly led to them summoning
you. Perhaps you have incurred the wrath of Yaldabaoth? And we all know what happens when
you incur the wrath of Yaldabaoth...
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