Boomers in Blackface: Trust Us, It’s Impossible to Tell Grandpa His Halloween Costume is Actually Su

SELINSGROVE, PA -- As Halloween approaches, people of all ages are once more launching themselves into

the spirit of the season. Cobwebs and broken windows are no longer a problem that will cost you a perfectly good Saturday to fix, and dressing in a bizarre costume is met with many a “so festive!” and “how fun!” -- and the occasional “Jesus fucking Christ, Grandpa, you need to wash that shoe polish off your face right now.”

“He just doesn’t get it,” laments sophomore Josie Shmosie, as her exceedingly white Anglo-Saxon Protestant

grandfather Bill parades merrily around in his Barack Obama costume behind her. “Why doesn’t he understand how inappropriate that is?”

After chatting with his granddaughter, we cornered Bill and had a discussion with him about his attire.

“Frankly, I don’t see the problem,” Bill says. “I wanted to be Barack Obama for Halloween. My wife Irene is going as Michelle Obama, too. What’s the problem? We’re not bad people. We voted for Kennedy, back in the day. Really, kids these days just don’t know how to have fun anymore.”

Bill’s wife Irene was too busy applying another coat of shoe polish to comment.