ESPN-

I’m just going to say it: watching any national level sports team has sucked ass recently. Not only does my team fucking suck (after having the greatest NHL regular season in league history literally not even two years ago) but finding out where to watch them has been about as fun as trying to get up for a gen-ed required philosophy class at 8:45 AM. The service I am, of course, referring to is ESPN+ which I feel like most people should have if they have a Mom obsessed with the green baby from The Mandalorian who thought that the Disney+/Hulu/ESPN+ bundle would be a good idea. I love you, Mom.

While ESPN+ is, conceptually, a good idea, it pretty much doesn’t do jack-shit. Story time. Everytime I go to watch hockey there are maybe two games on ESPN+ in any given night. Most nights they don’t have the rights to anything. Pause. What the actual fuck? Even better, every other network with a streaming service (that I don’t have) somehow picked up the game instead. What is the point of paying extra for one service if they’re not even going to do what I’m my Mom is paying them for? 

I’m fed up with the shadow government level bullshit that is the media and their current obsession of squeezing every penny out of consumers with subscription services. Why are there so many subscription services when the same like five companies own everything? Look up the SNL skit “Conspiracy Theory Rock” (I know how bad this looks, but stay with me) which is a parody of Schoolhouse Rock and describes the way in which corporations control the media. Having trouble finding it? What does that tell you? 

Also, why are there subscription plans that INCLUDE ADVERTISEMENTS?!? The point of a premium is to reap some sort of benefit…like not watching ads. If I’m paying for the premium it shouldn’t matter from how many devices the content I’m paying for is on either. How the fuck are you going to prove that it’s not me on 30 separate devices at a time? 

I’m running out of things to say because I am too tired of switching between subscription services, past the cable that I’m still paying for, and not being able to easily cancel my subscription. Maybe I’ll watch YouTube with dinner instead.