Bangs™

By: Brad Mondo (COLLAB!! w/ Eli Lilly)

Have you or a loved one recently experienced a rough break up? Do you feel trapped in the routine of your day to day life? Does your boring hair need a facelift? If you relate to one or more of the aforementioned, Bangs™ might be a solution for you!

Re-engineered by our top hair visionaries, Bangs™ are a tried and true method of curing your mild to severe symptoms of life’s hardships. Our patented fringe framing strands block away your five-head from society's view and allow you to feel something again.

Bangs™ are best suited for people with an oval face, or people who have tried other framing hairstyles in the past. Bangs™ are not to be prescribed by an unlicensed individual. Do not attempt to give yourself Bangs™ in a bathroom while in a manic, depressed, or drunken state. Talk to your hairdresser about Bangs™ Today!

Side effects may include excessive forehead sweat, intense feelings of regret, lowered self esteem, headaches, difficulty with windy weather, bouts of excessive crying, unwanted attention, fake compliments, impaired vision, oily hair, and disapproval from your friends. Do not try Bangs™ if you are pregnant, breastfeeding, or might be pregnant. Bangs™ are not an antidepressant. Do not take Bangs™ if you have had a negative reaction to Bangs™ in the past, this may include, but is not limited to: allergic reaction, stress-induced rashes, forehead acne, difficulty breathing, or, in some rare cases, death. Tell your hairdresser right away if you experience a newfound dangerous confidence, which may increase as a result of Bangs™. Talk with your hairdresser before stopping Bangs™ as it may result in further complications.

Bangs™: Why not?