Customer Review for Anvil 18 in. Wood D-Grip Short Handle Carbon Steel Compact Digging Shovel

I’ve been having a rough time in the past few months. It feels like everywhere I turn, there are more opportunities for my cheeks to turn red. I considered buying a speaker to play “Christmas Time is Here” from Charlie Brown to accompany my walks across campus because there is always something bound to happen that will make me bow my head in mortification.

All that misery aside, I’m here to share my praise for my new favorite Home Depot accessory. This shovel is my light in the dark, and the answer to all my problems. When spam posting on my socials and making cryptic Spotify playlists isn’t enough, the shiny polished varnish of the Anvil is by my side calling to me! Thanks to her gorgeous steel-cut blade, I am going to start a new life living with the ants!

Gone are the days of living with the dull ache of rejection. Never again will I have to stew over the fact that I literally confessed my feelings and went out on a limb and got confirmation that the feelings were reciprocated and then got ignored for three days and now we’re never going to see each other ever again. Best of all, there are absolutely no humans for me to interact with! Trust me, I did consider going off the grid, but I know that I would end up having to talk to someone (and therefore embarrass myself) and I just can’t risk that anymore. What do you do when you reach the lowest of lows, the most over that it’s ever been? You dig deeper! And that is exactly what I’m going to do.

This shovel is short, sweet, and super easy to hide from unsuspecting offenders. I can quietly slink away from society and begin to pierce the ground with its perfectly pointed head. If anyone in the area wants to question my motives, they can simply join me and the ants. If they dare to call me overdramatic, I’m sure they’ll be a great snack for my new friends! I refuse to let anyone embarrass me ever again. Living underground will allow me to build a new home for myself.

I am so excited to turn the page on this new chapter. For the rest of eternity, I can be at peace with my thoughts and mull over every embarrassing thing I ever did while I was a member of human society. With any luck, I’ll finally figure out what’s wrong with me!

Thank you, Home Depot, for offering such a useful tool. I hope that others can find the same enlightenment that I have. See you soon, ants!