Die Corporate Minimalism

By: Pinkalicious

If there is an opposite to sad beige baby, then I was it. I inhaled color like it was my goddamn job. Walls? Periwinkle. Blanket? Purple and covered in flowers. Gel pens? Abundant. In fact, I took my colorful lifestyle so seriously that I used to ask my mom why her closet was so “dark and lonely”. In my brain, that closet needed an upgrade from Fancy Nancy (I’m sorry mom, I get it now). I loved color so much that I even ate some glowstick juice. It was delicious.

As I have aged, my belongings have started to become more practical, but for the most part my room is still colorful. And you bet your ass that purple blanket made it to college. Colors bring me and many others joy. Especially in college, we are desperate for something to boost our spirits.

What I’m trying to build up to is that Deg now depresses me. I feel like every time I leave the building I need to hop in a Lyft and go to color therapy. If I’m in there too often, I think I’ll forget what colors are. At least that random green wall in the corner gave me an inkling of hope. Then they put prison bars on it.

Let me paint a picture. A beige one. Imagine having a really shitty day. You hike up the worst concrete staircase to ever exist, then finally, you make it to the top and… gray. Now that doesn’t bring you joy, does it? You continue to walk past the sad millennial gray Starbucks, hoping what’s around the corner is better and… beige. Get sad beige babied, loser! But guess what? It gets worse! You sit down, head hanging low, then you look up and… blind. You got natural light, and it betrayed you in an instant. You shield your eyes and look around, momentarily impaired and thinking you’re in a hospital or ward of some sort but then it all comes back and… nope, still in the dining hall. It just looks remarkably similar to those options. The light reflecting off the bright white walls really throws you off (And you guys have an entire art department. Paint a mural. Put me in coach, I’ll do it. PUHLEASE).

It might have some benefits if you really think about it. Are you in a rush? Do you know what will encourage you to eat faster? Huge spherical lights swinging above you like they are about to fall. Yeah, that’ll speed you up. Oh and are you debating if you should have lunch now or at a later inconvenient time where you won’t want dinner? Well, the decision is made for you, because there is no room for you in the dining hall! You didn’t even have to think, isn’t that nice?

So, how does it feel to eat in bright white hell? Personally, I miss warm white. Also why does the carpet pattern make everything look moldy now? I refuse to sit here and become the sad beige millennial gray baby bullshit whatever this school wants me to be. I shall revolt. I’m going to leave a bright pink sticky note on a Starbucks table. I might get shot. Wish me luck.