Driver's License

BY: Emily Rose and Jensen Duke

Selinsgrove, PA— As spooky season rolls around, Halloween costumes are the talk of every table in Deg. When talking with a few of our friends about cute couple costume ideas, one broke down into tears. For privacy reasons, we’ve named her Edna. After a long walk back to Smith Hall full of screaming and a few plays of “Driver’s License”, Edna explained to us that she and her now ex-boyfriend, who will remain unnamed, just broke up.

Whilst discussing Halloween couples costumes, she noticed he was very resistant anytime she’d recommend anything.

“Milk and cookies?”

“I’m lactose intolerant.”

“Bathtub and a rubber duck?”

“Can I be a toaster instead?”

She decided to change her direction from M&Ms or cop and robber to celebrities like Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively, or John Krasinski and Emily Blunt. Out of the blue he said, “Babe, let’s go as Kim and Kanye.”

She politely tried to explain to him that Kim and Kanye got divorced, but since he’s a Scorpio he was too stubborn to accept criticism. His only other idea was to go as Elon Musk and Grimes. Edna stayed adamant about recommending celebrities still in happy relationships, like Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra, but he would come back with rebuttals for any of her ideas. He even brought Bieber-fever into the argument by recommending Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber. She recommended Hailey Baldwin instead, thinking “mistakes” happen and he got the two mixed up.

As the argument continued, she started to recommend they do separate costumes, but he really wanted to do “couple” costumes. Her neighbor commented to the Squirrel, “All I heard was crying, sniffles and ‘Hey babe let’s go as Olivia Rodrigo and Joshua Bassett.’ I knew the relationship was going downhill from there.”

A few days later, Edna called up a friend, who will also remain anonymous, and began to rant to her about his recommendations. As they talked her friend said, “Well, I messaged him about ideas for my Halloween costume since he told me about your argument. He recommended I go as Sabrina Carpenter because I’m blonde.”

The phone very quickly got hung up and Edna made her way to Aikens Hall, pounding on the door, screaming to be let in. To her disbelief, Edna’s friend was the one to finally answer the door. Edna’s boyfriend tried to explain the ordeal, saying they were working on a project for a class. Edna knew that couldn’t be true because he was a business major, there was no way he even read the syllabus at the beginning of the semester. Whenever confronted, he admitted that his idea was to break up with her at the Halloween costume party when “Driver’s License” came on. Her “friend” was clueless to the whole plan, but he was going to ask her out after “Driver’s License” whenever “good 4 u” came on. When asked for any comment or remark on the situation, he said “Lies, lies, lies. She’s been lying to herself.”

That sounded like plagiarism to us so we automatically went to the other sources. The “friend” had no comment. When we asked Edna who got broken up with for any comment on the ordeal, her only comment was, “And he’s probably with that blonde girl.”