Hey, Wanna Join A Kangaroo Pyramid Scheme?

Have you ever wanted to get away with murder? Well now you can! By joining a simple pyramid scheme concerning kangaroos, armadillos, fences, and leprosy, we can successfully rule the world and eliminate the biggest threat to democracy: idiots.

Allow me to set the scene. It’s legal to own armadillos and kangaroos in Pennsylvania with legal permits, and by exploiting this loophole we can create the perfect killing machines! First, a few brave people (you, dear reader) need to invest in the armadillo business in order to get this whole franchise off the ground. 

Armadillos can spread leprosy to humans, so you’ll need to buy some armadillos and infect them with the leprosy bacteria, then send them off to bite people who you think deserve it (at your discretion). How do you keep the armadillos from biting you or people you love though? Well that’s where Armadillo Muzzles Inc. comes into play! We will sell you muzzles for your armadillos, and that money will be used to fund the kangaroo permits for the second leg of the plan. 

Kangaroo permits will allow people to own kangaroos and train them to punch and kill whoever they are told to! The police can’t put down all of your kangaroos if you happen to be caught because then PETA will get on their asses. Legal blackmail! Further, the police cannot even identify whose kangaroo does the murder if you and your kangaroo-owning friends all bought your enclosures and fences from Kangaroo Fence Builders Inc., the profit of which is used to fund the armadillo permits and the cycle just continues! 

Lo and behold! A world where people you hate, people who are annoying, and people who repeat the same exact comment as someone else in workshop can get infected with leprosy, or beat up by kangaroos, and the government cannot do a single thing! You must act now, dear reader, in order to make sure the scheme gets the best start. Please, purchase your armadillos immediately so that the sheer number of owners makes it impossible to detect who is the killer and who is an innocent bystander. I already have PETA on speed dial, don’t worry. 

(Leprosy bacteria not included in purchase. Armadillo Muzzles Inc. and Kangaroo Fence Builders Inc. are not responsible for rogue armadillos and kangaroos beyond their owner’s control. Offer not valid outside of PA.)