How about these gas prices?

By Amber Martino

Do you know how humiliating it is to have to check the CampusDish website before ordering Starbucks? It’s The Worst. I have enough money for one more latte, and by the time you all read this it’ll be gone.

The sinking feeling in my heart when a friend says “ohmygosh let’s get Taco Bell” is just the same. My existence is a tragic one. I have no money. I am literally broke.

I’m putting this here, right now, with my own name on it! Go and check the byline! Commit it to memory! Don’t ask me if I want to get food, don’t tell me it’s your birthday, don’t ask me to drive you anywhere. I’m broke as shit and ALL my friends are playing the new Pokémon game.

You know what I did with the last 60 dollars in my bank account? I sure as hell didn’t buy a full-price video game I could just as easily shoplift from Target while staying well under the felony theft limit. Instead, I had THREE friends that had birthdays recently. They say the best things in life are free, but really the best things in life demand compensation for their time via overpriced soap and gift cards.

The pittance left after my monetary display of affection? The 11 dollars left? Yeah, I used that for gas to come back to this god-forsaken school. I’m from New Jersey, so I literally had to pull up to a gas station and give an actual person my debit card and say “$11 regular please.” Like what the fuck is that about?

I can’t even muster the energy to be subtle about this anymore. At the time of writing this, December is starting tomorrow and going into it broke is the most terrifying and freeing thing I’ve ever felt.

I can just tell people to fuck off while I Scrooge McDuck over the few quarters I used to get at tips while working at Charlie’s. It’ll be fantastic.

“Hey, do you wanna do, like, a secret Santa?” No, I don’t. My account is overdrawn.

“Hey do you wanna rent an Airbnb for a weekend during break with us?” No, I don’t. My account is overdrawn.

“Please, Amber, it’s been forever since we’ve done something meaningful together, I want someone who can take me on adventures and make me feel special. Is being with me REALLY too much of a financial burden? Don’t you want to go ice skating? Drive into the city and look at the pretty lights? Have dinner together?” No, I don’t. My account is overdrawn.

I’m not spending any money on anything not directly related to my survival until further notice. Except my Amazon Prime subscription. At $6 a month, the student version is just too good to give up.