How to Do Your Part Amid the Coronavirus

By: LILY DURA

When on campus keep an eye out for any suspicious characters that appear to have a mask below their nose or a camo neck gaiter flung around their neck like a scarf. In order to do your part for the community, you must be willing to incriminate those around you, and even your friends. An easy way to do this is to snap incriminating photos of your friends and upload them to the livesafe app. This is the season of propaganda.

Let's say for example that you can hear your roommate walking down the hallway one day. Well this is the perfect opportunity for you to make an example of your innocent friend and #savethesemester. Stand about two inches away from the door with a camera in your right hand and a bible in your left hand. Perhaps she has already taken off her mask as she reaches the door and if this is so she has made your job a whole lot easier. Just put the bible in her hand and snap a picture of her maskless, maybe even push her farther out into the hallway and get that perfect upload for the live safe app. However, for instructional purposes let's suppose that your roommate is a nark and has left her mask on outside the door. You must make the best of the situation and snatch off her mask, throw the bible at her chest, and take the photo as quickly as possible. And wallah your roommate is maskless in the hallway looking like an anti-vaccer who claims that God spoke to her through the radiator.

Be sure to find a safe place to upload your images, preferably out of your roommate's sight in some kind of crevice under your bed or under the pile of masks that you haven stolen and hidden from your roommate over the last eight weeks. Hopefully, one day she’ll just run out of money for masks and go full on republican out of spite. That twist would make for great live safe app material and would surely win you some brownie points with res life.

Another way to participate this covid season is to incriminate your friend while she is eating. Let's say that your friend removes her mask on the deg lawn to take a slurp of her half filled tomato soup and looks pissed when she realizes that it is cold. This pissed off face will surely make for a great photo and serve for some more convincing propaganda. So just snap a picture discreetly and simply return to your dorm, edit out the soup and place your friend in the library with president green, both maskless with speech bubbles that read “these damned masks are not christian.” Now you have exposed the president of the university as an undercover bible thumper and have crafted the greatest picture on the livesafe app. Congratulations! You have achieved ultimate social justice warrior status!