I've Gotta Go Julia, We've Got Cows

AN: So apparently my editors told me that this wasn’t the direction they wanted my article to go in, well too fucking bad. You wanted an article about the actual weather phenomenon? You’re now getting an extensive OpEd comparing one of the literal best tornado movies on the face of the planet with Twisters. I said what I said. 

If you know anything about me, I’m a huge weather nerd and my favorite time of the year is rapidly approaching. While some may fear the arrival of spring and the weather it brings, for me this is a time of peace and excitement. For the longest time I was convinced I was going to either be a storm chaser or meteorologist, but the cruel reality that I can’t do math set in and now I live vicariously through weather and disaster movies from (mostly) the 90s.

My small child brain experienced real joy the first time I was introduced to the wonderful movie that is Twister from 1996, and I truly think that this movie helped to shape who I am as a person today. I won’t lie, this movie terrified me when I was younger, but there’s something so captivating about tornadoes that my love for thunderstorms and severe weather 100% stems from this movie.

Cut to senior year of high school when I learned that one of my all time favorite movies was getting a spiritual sequel that was releasing 3 days before my birthday the following year. I truly felt like a kid at Christmas thinking that the universe was actually on my side for once. Oh how I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Now this was on me for walking into this movie with high hopes based on how cool the trailers looked, but I truly thought in my heart that we would be getting another good weather movie. I left with mixed feelings wondering if anyone on that set had ever watched the original to even try to get the vibes of what worked. I understand you don’t want to make a copy or remake (because God knows there’s enough of those), but the bar was missed like that one flying cow on the highway.

My list of grievances are as follows: the graphics looked fucking awful, the plot was all over the damn place, and the movie overall was just badly reheated nachos. I don’t care that Glen Powell is a hot cowboy stormchaser, sue me. I so desperately wanted cool new science and did we get that? Hell fucking no we didn’t, we got fireworks and horny subtext. 

I will also admit that even though I try not to, I do end up gatekeeping the things that I love out of fear that they will get trendy and people will think I’m hopping on some bandwagon of sorts. I was so incredibly excited that I was getting another movie in my favorite niche category, but now I’m kind of wishing that this movie never existed. 

This really does prove that movies from the 90s are unmatched and should be left alone. If you did end up loving Twisters I’m not going to tell you you’re wrong, but I might silently judge you for a while.