If You Hate Valentine’s Day, You’re Just Bad at Being Single.
By: Val N. Tyne
I know many people have a love/hate relationship with the most lovely holiday of the year. I’ve spent 18 out of my 19 Valentine’s Days alone and I’m doing just fine. If you hate Valentine’s Day simply because you’re single, you’re not doing it right. I’m here to tell you that you need to get those rose thorns out of your ass and buy yourself flowers.
According to a super reliable source that definitely isn’t Wikipedia, there are six different types of love. That’s five more types than romantic! Valentine’s Day is about much more than posting cheesy pictures of your significant other on your Instagram story and having to watch your parents kiss.
Let’s go back to the very beginning. Kindergarten. Remember when you had to go and get a box of cards with a bag of pure sugar attached to it and give one to every kid in the class? Remember how much fun it was to create that mailbox for your desk? How much glitter was on the classroom floor afterwards? How you had to give everyone a valentine? Like.. everyone? Like the kid who would dip his peanut butter celery into his chocolate milk and the kid who made you cry because she said your hair looked weird in braids?
Why did we stop doing that? You need to get your ass to Target, buy a box of Paw Patrol themed valentines, and give them to all of your friends. Do not - I repeat, do NOT do this with any “galentine’s” or “palentine’s” type of intentions. Now those are stupid. There’s no need to substitute Valentine’s Day with a variation because, like I said, the holiday is for more than just romantic love!
So, how can you stop hating Valentine’s Day?
Go to therapy!!!!
The End!
Not “The End”, just kidding. If you’re like me, and require directions to make even the simplest changes to your life, here’s a short list on how to stop being a buzzkill.
How to Stop Hating Valentine’s Day <3
Figure out your favorite type of chocolate and flower. Buy them for yourself. Eat the chocolate and smell the flowers. Take a Claratin. Feel special.
Take time off of social media. Or limit your use. Or only follow single people? I don’t know, you just have to suck it up with this one. Sorry.
Cry. Yeah. Let it out. Cry about how no one loves you and you’re going to be alone forever because you can’t love yourself.
Stop yelling about how much you hate Valentine’s Day! It’s not going away just because you’re not in a relationship. You don’t have that much power. Shut up.
I hope that with my advice, by next year you can reach a level of acceptance with the holiday of love. The sooner everyone stops bitching about being lonely, the happier we’ll be as a whole!
