Ned’s Declassified Mid-Term Survival Guide

BY: Two Squirrels Named Chip & Dale

Midterms are upon us and many of you (mainly the freshmen), may be freaking out! You could be freaking out for a variety of different reasons, whether its because you don’t know how to prepare, you don’t understand any of your classes, or you’re just really fucking stupid. Regardless of the reason for your freak-out, we're here to help! We have a step-by-step guide to help you prepare for midterms! This guide has been approved by President Green and every faculty member at SU! (don’t fact-check that)

19 Step Guide to Prepare for Midterms:

Step 1: Figure out which of your classes have midterms.

Step 3: Consider dropping out or changing your major, maybe one with less exams?

Step 8: Look for quizlets on the topic of your exam! (Kahoot is also acceptable)

Step 4: Drink a lot of coffee the night before your exams.

Step 11:Try to go to sleep early in order to be well rested.

Step 5: Follow @thesusquirrel on instagram and tiktok. (we’ll be posting study tips!)

Step 16: Don’t forget to use a condom! ;) (winkkkkk)

Step 6: Drink more coffee with at least 4 espresso shots in the morning. (just ignore the shaking and the urge to shit your brains out)

Step 34: Take one shot per question on each exam, this will help you forget about them! That’s what we’ve been doing with each step we write!

Step 4: Make sure to bring your notes, all midterms are open notes at SU!!!!

Step 9: Keep your airpods in and have Siri read your textbook to you while you take your exam.

Step 7: Call Brian. Just like, call him.

Step 10: Don’t prepare, just wing it!

Step 19: Just remember it’s J̸̢̛̻̹͈͋̀E̴͍̜͉̩̬̻̬̩̼̒͑R̴̡̛͕̼̜̪̺͖͎͝Ş̴̨͙̙̬̭̖́E̸̤̯͓͛̽̂ͅY̶̧̟̜̮̓́͜͠͝ͅͅ ̷͔̺̠̫̣̮̟͕͛́͆͝M̵̱̬̜͉͉̊̾͐̅̇͘͝Ì̶̛̮̜̠͉̥̹̻̩̹̈́͌͗̓̉͝͝K̸̩̹̞̜̩̠̆̀̃̏̇͘Ẹ̶̡̙̦̯̦̤͊ͅS̷̡̮̼͖̳̈́̈́̀͌̃̈ͅ ̶̨̡̦̳͇̥̹̜͉̈́͛̏̎̋͝͝S̴̺͖͇͇͔͎̥̃͂̑͂̔̃U̷̻͈̥̐̂́̍̓̌̚͠͠B̶̯̤̩̞̥̈́̽͛̌͑̈͗͒͜͠.̶̮̩͈̣̦́͌̑̊͝͝

If you don’t follow every single step in this guide you will fail so bad President Green will personally come to your house and sing you his rendition of “Twas the Night Before Christmas” an octave higher than he usually does. Anyways, good luck with your midterms and stay tuned for our 3,476,420,999 step guide to finals.