Notice: New SU Partnership Creates Opportunity for RAs

BY: Zack Shiffman

Attention all RAs of Susquehanna University! After the unforeseen patch of quicksand emerged and tragically swallowed most of the professional staff members of the Office of Residence Life, the administration at SU understands and empathizes with your enhanced stress level this semester. We understand that this is a difficult time and that the arrival of the Class of 2025 in particular has proven to be challenging for those RAs assigned to first-year dorms. We have heard trickles of urine-related incidents streaming through the halls (and kitchenette) of Reed, among other problems pervading first-year residences. But don’t fear. We have heard your concerns and have taken action.

We at Susquehanna University are proud to announce a new partnership with Petco Health and Wellness Company, Inc. to offer discounted Freshmen Training classes through the rest of the academic year. To take place in the common room areas of Hassinger, Reed, and absolutely Smith, RAs are encouraged to register their residents for a “6-week class [that] focuses on socialization and familiarizing your puppy freshman with basic behaviors and cues.” This includes (but is not limited to): learning rudimentary visual principles (did you know that windows are typically transparent and breakable?), essential theories of motion (fun fact: pool tables are generally regarded as stationary objects!), and, of course, potty training.

The first 2-4 months of training, called Puppy Freshman Level 1, comes at the low price of $149. In these months your freshmen will be educated on a variety of additional principles, such as the limits of the human body in reference to alcohol consumption and the true purposes of the toilet paper and shower curtains in the restroom. We promise that it will be worth every penny for all of you RAs (that the Office of Residence Life and Susquehanna University presently do not pay). Bonus: the first 10 RAs to register will each receive 10 free puppy pee pads for their participants!

If you’re interested in registering, please email the Office of Residence Life at residencelife@susqu.edu or our new partners at collegefreshmenmakeusbank@petco.com.

Thank you,

The Office of Residence Life

570-372-4133