Play Ball! But Not Really

By: i swear i’ve been to camp guys i promise

If you’ve ever been to summer camp, you know the kinds of weird activities they have you do in the name of ‘exercise’. Judging from the quality most of them hold, it’s clear they were either made up on the spot or created at 3 am as a result of a group of college-age people going too long without sleep and with caffeine. And if you’ve never been to camp, good. They don’t want you there. And by them, I mean counselors. They do not care whether you’re there or not. They still get paid. However, some of these…games…should be put in place at colleges. Without the entertainment value they hold for observers (NOT players), how will we ever get through the loneliest years of our lives? Of course, we could just make students play dodgeball or capture the flag or whatever, but that is so BORING. Make them do weird shit! It’ll be fun to laugh at them! If you’re stuck for suggestions on what to make your fellow students do, I have some: 

Ga Ga Ball

Just do what my camp did, and fill a wooden octagon with small rocks, throw some people in there with a ball, and watch them fall- I mean fail. This method will guarantee that all players end up looking like they were stoned, and not in the fun way.

Human Curling

Put people on inner tubes and SHOVE THEM DOWN THE HALLWAYS. This one needs to be done in between classes, obviously, so it would have the added benefit of making people into bowling pins! If they’re taking up the hallway, they deserve it.

Parachute Games

My favorite one of these was Sharks and Lifeguards, purely because I loved crawling on the floor. I need to see some frat bro being yanked by his ankles underneath a parachute faster than the human eye can process. 

Relay Race

If I don’t see at least one person fall flat on their face while trying and failing to hop down Kurtz Lane in a potato sack, we have failed as a university. We should put President Green in there, too. Make him pass a baton to someone on the track while actual track runners lap him.

Blob Tag

You know this one, and if you don’t, yes you do. It’s tag that makes you join arms with people who tagged you and sprint as a massive group like in Blob.io, which I know for a FACT you all played. This one is just part of the intrinsic human need to hunt people down as a pack.

Marco Polo

I want this to be the extreme version, not just making people swim and yell. Equip lifeguards with an electric cattle prod if cheaters get out of the pool. Their job isn’t to save people anymore. Who cares.

Manhunt

Give college kids some practice for when they inevitably start evading the authorities! Play this one in the dark and give people the weakest flashlights in the world. Provided by the university, of course.