R/Am I the Asshole?

By: Couchless in D.C.

I think my furniture salesman was into couches.

I (29F) and my husband (30M) just recently moved to a new house in D.C. We needed a new couch because our old one broke in the move. Turns out there’s a furniture warehouse about a block from our house, so we took a walk there just to see our options. The vibe was haunted Craigslist listing come to life, but it was cheap, and you don’t have to pay taxes on any of the furniture. 

As soon as we walk in the owner walks out of the back, sweaty and with his fly down. 

(Not sure what he got up to back there, but you can make the same assumption I did)

As to not out him I don’t want to use his real name so let’s call him JD Vague.  So Mr. Vague walked us around for about 20 minutes, stopping us to sit on each couch and groan ever so slightly… alright.

My husband wasn’t catching my eye when I saw Mr. Vague put his hand in between the folds of the couch and giggle. We pass by a used spray tan booth in the back, at this point I’m freaking out and wondering if they’ll put “last seen at the furniture store everyone else was pretty sure is a money laundering scam” on the news when local authorities say my husband and I have gone missing. 

At one point Mr. Vague got a call and stepped away to take it. Now usually not one to eaves drop but he must’ve been calling his group chat about a fire trip to somewhere with lots of ice, sounds like it’ll be bomb.

Here’s where I might be an asshole. So he comes back from his call and continues to walk us around while MOANING at the sight of every leather couch. Kept using words like supple and plump. So I turn to my husband and tell him it’s time to go. Now my husband’s confused, cause God bless him there’s nothing behind those eyes but an apple and a very hungry caterpillar. But I stand my ground saying I don’t like any of the couches and would like to leave. Mr. Vague puts his hand on my arm and asks me to look at one last item before leaving. 

It’s a file cabinet, I don’t have any files I want to lock away. He did though.

It was, as I suspected, filled with couch porn. Handmade photos of couches fucking, fucking a couch, and getting fucked by a couch. Too much couch and too much fucking. 

I’m pretty sure the speed at which I ran out of that store left an outline of my body through the side of the wall. But my husband is concerned I was rude and that it was probably a prank, maybe I should’ve heard him out I don’t know. Am I the asshole?

Sofaluver696969 replied to your post: This woman is straight up liberal bs and knows nothing of what I do in my free time. This is your sign kids don’t get vaccines!